Thursday, March 3, 2011

The Journey

This blog is titled Matt's Journey.  As you may guess, my name is Matt.  As you may also guess, this blog is about my life.  I often write about various topics and then relate that topic with what's going on in my life.  Tonight, I want to be a bit more direct and open.

In the last day or so, I've been in a bit of a funk.  I spend a lot of time, some say too much, thinking about my past, present, and future.  I think about events in my past and my reactions to them.  I think about where my life is right now.  I think about where I want to go.  No journey is simple, even though it's from point A to point B.  One minute we find ourselves on a mountain vista with an awe inspiring 50 mile view.  The next, we're being rushed down a raging river, crashing uncontrollably from rock to rock.  Sometimes we have no say over our route.  Other times, we only have ourselves to thank or to blame.

I've had an odd journey these past 30+ years, different from most.  There are two aspects of my journey that I have yet to truly embark upon.  The first is one I've referred to, at least indirectly, a great many times.  That aspect is what I give back to the world.  The other aspect has rarely been mentioned, and seems to have been provisionally on hold for far too long.  That aspect is family.

If you have read my post on my five values, you may find it odd that I don't do more to focus my journey on them.  Four of my five values, in my opinion, refer to these two aspects.  Those who have read my post on parenting may wonder why I'm not yet one.  A majority of my posts may make you wonder why I haven't found what I want to do, as most of them discuss things I find interesting.

If anything, there are only a few meaningful aspects in my journey thus far:  my college education, my travels, and my extended family.  As some of you know, I spent eight years at college.  I didn't party, but collected various degrees.  While I would change a few things, I wish I could have stayed there longer.  My travels have taken me across most of my own country and allowed me to visit a few others on two continents.  I'm planning to extend that to a third continent in a few years.  I've been very close to my extended family, which I consider everyone I'm related to at this point; at my age, I would call a spouse and children immediate family instead of my already existing mother and siblings.

But those two other aspects, what I do and whom I'm with, feel out of reach.  I go back and forth with what I want to do, typically treading a lot of the same ground.  At the same time, I don't get out much, and most of my social life is at work.  Taking fun classes was both a way for me to learn something new and exciting as well as give me a chance to meet new people.  Too bad all of my classmates are about a decade younger than me.

From now through Sunday, I'm going to have several posts about these two aspects.  I'll be a bit more open and direct about my journey than I typically am.  I usually reserve this for personal reflection, where I send and reply to emails to myself, but perhaps expressing myself to others will give me the push I need.

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