Ding. It's that time again: I changed my mind.
I've spent a lot of time thinking about, and talking about, moving to Japan to teach English and eventually opening up my own school. What I failed to realize is that this works against two of my own values: Family and Community.
Yes, I could start my own family in Japan. The problem is that I would be leaving my extended family behind. I am very close to most of my family, as dysfunctional as we all are, and it would not be easy to leave them behind. Not at all. If I had been younger, this would have been easier, at least for the short term. At best, I would be very homesick after no more than a year or two, tops.
After reading more about others' experiences in Japan, I'm realizing that I would never be part of a community there. No matter how long I stayed, if I married a native, or earned a Permanent Residency status, I would always be a gaijin, an outsider. I still want to visit, and I want to learn the language, but I'm tired of being an outsider.
So what do I want to do now? I've moved back in the direction of square one. Once again, I don't know what I want to do with my life.
And don't tell me you didn't see that coming.