Friday, October 14, 2011

3... 2... 1...

Ding.  It's that time again:  I changed my mind. 

I've spent a lot of time thinking about, and talking about, moving to Japan to teach English and eventually opening up my own school.  What I failed to realize is that this works against two of my own values:  Family and Community.

Yes, I could start my own family in Japan.  The problem is that I would be leaving my extended family behind.  I am very close to most of my family, as dysfunctional as we all are, and it would not be easy to leave them behind.  Not at all.  If I had been younger, this would have been easier, at least for the short term.  At best, I would be very homesick after no more than a year or two, tops. 

After reading more about others' experiences in Japan, I'm realizing that I would never be part of a community there.  No matter how long I stayed, if I married a native, or earned a Permanent Residency status, I would always be a gaijin, an outsider.  I still want to visit, and I want to learn the language, but I'm tired of being an outsider.

So what do I want to do now?  I've moved back in the direction of square one.  Once again, I don't know what I want to do with my life. 

And don't tell me you didn't see that coming.

1 comment:

  1. I didn't see that coming! :O

    Anyway, I think it's very true. I'm homesick in LA. I *have* heard that finding a girlfriend in a new place does wonders for homesickness, but it doesn't change the fact of leaving your family.